Forgetting your Father on Father's Day

I admit, I would rather forget my father on Father’s Day.

He was a seminary student when I was born, a pastor when I was a child, a President of a Christian Ministry when I was in High School, and a Trustee of a Christian University when I was an undergraduate.

But most of his life he was living a lie.

Domestic abuse, substance abuse, absentee father, vindictive boss, self-aggrandizer, and master manipulator.  

The Family Court Judge granted restraining orders against him, which we carried around for years. He died a few years ago, separated from his own family, never having seen his grandkids... 

You can see why I would rather forget my father on Father’s Day.  

The good news is that God is at work and apparently, loves tragic irony -as now I am a Husband, and Father and a Pastor.  Looking back I have learned a few lessons regarding my father’s life.

There is hope - Life change can occur.  It is laborious and taxing, but with God all things are possible.  God can alter the path of our life...!

His trajectory of life does not have to be yours - God's plan for your life is unique and you will not follow the same pattern of anyone else.

Admit there are pockets of good - There are good times to be remembered for sure, but it is far easier to ignore them.  Being forced to remember something positive humanizes the person who caused so much pain.

It is easier to run from, then to embrace the hardship - Even though running from hardship is a normal response, it tends to isolate ourselves from the reality in which we too can hurt others. I've learned to lean in to the pain, embrace it, and use it to help others.

Give yourself grace when you personally fail - My failures do not mean that I am replicating my father's life. Everyone will fail and extra grace is needed to those who have had such poor role models in life.

Some of us do wish to forget our father's of Father's Day.