Forgetting your Father on Father's Day

I admit, I would rather forget my father on Father’s Day.

He was a seminary student when I was born, a pastor when I was a child, a President of a Christian Ministry when I was in High School, and a Trustee of a Christian University when I was an undergraduate.

But most of his life he was living a lie.

Domestic abuse, substance abuse, absentee father, vindictive boss, self-aggrandizer, and master manipulator.  

The Family Court Judge granted restraining orders against him, which we carried around for years. He died a few years ago, separated from his own family, never having seen his grandkids... 

You can see why I would rather forget my father on Father’s Day.  

The good news is that God is at work and apparently, loves tragic irony -as now I am a Husband, and Father and a Pastor.  Looking back I have learned a few lessons regarding my father’s life.

There is hope - Life change can occur.  It is laborious and taxing, but with God all things are possible.  God can alter the path of our life...!

His trajectory of life does not have to be yours - God's plan for your life is unique and you will not follow the same pattern of anyone else.

Admit there are pockets of good - There are good times to be remembered for sure, but it is far easier to ignore them.  Being forced to remember something positive humanizes the person who caused so much pain.

It is easier to run from, then to embrace the hardship - Even though running from hardship is a normal response, it tends to isolate ourselves from the reality in which we too can hurt others. I've learned to lean in to the pain, embrace it, and use it to help others.

Give yourself grace when you personally fail - My failures do not mean that I am replicating my father's life. Everyone will fail and extra grace is needed to those who have had such poor role models in life.

Some of us do wish to forget our father's of Father's Day.

Monday Afternoon Sabbatical -June 24, 2013

Week three of my Summer 2013 Sabbatical contained so many highlights, it is difficult to single out any particular one.  So many thoughts as I reflect upon this past week.  In no particular order.....

Humbled by the response to my Father's Day post, 'Forgetting Your Father on Father's Day.'  Most of the comments came directly via email, and not through the CoffeeShop Pastor Blog -and I can understand why.  It seems that many of us carry a Father Wound that even years later still affects us to various degrees.  I can not offer any great wisdom or insight, save for the fact that freedom can be found.  It is tough work, maybe life-long work; but healing is possible.

Monday Night I accompanied Southbrook Church member Mark J. to New Creatures in Christ Church's Monday Night Bible Study. NCCC is a central-city Church located near 46th and Capital Ave.  I felt blessed to be with brothers and sisters from an area of Milwaukee that is all to easily overlooked.  Again I was reminded at how much greater God's Kingdom is than the small slice of Church that I know.

Here's a thought that hit me this past week.  We tend to see levels of complexity when viewing ourselves; but when we see others, we tend to view them in simple binary terms.  Why is this?

We were honored to attend a pre-launch breakfast at the Mad Rooster Cafe on 43rd and Greenfield Ave, just South of Miller Park.  Wow, what a cool place to grab breakfast and lunch!  This was a great family experience....

Lynn and I took a meal over to Kevin and Mary Jo, and enjoyed our time with them.  They recently gave birth to twin boys, and a few weeks after delivery, Mary Jo found out that she had CML, a form of Leukemia.  She is doing well, though the medications and treatments are difficult.  Their faith is placed in the belief that God is in control, and remains in charge even when life seems unfair.

A friend sent me a text message about our church picnic, with some accompanying photos.  Looked like a good time was had by all, though it was somewhat odd to be missing this delightful Church event!

Lynn decided it was high time to re-stain our deck, which turned out to be a tougher project than originally anticipated.  Working together benefits any relationship for sure.  Tough, yes.  Frustrating, certainly.  Rewarding, thoroughly!

Capped the week off with an all-too-rare family meal at my mother's house in Union Grove, WI.  In the photo above you see me and my two brothers.  Nathan is on the left and he is the oldest.  A highly successful web designer/entrepreneur, Nathan and his wife and two daughters live in Illinois as well as Florida.  Joel is the youngest and is a police officer in Troy, Ohio.  He and his wife have four children. Every other year or so, our schedules all align and we are able to get together.

Each family has tension, and ours in no exception. But for our family the animosity lies in the fact that I hit the trifecta: height, looks and great hair!

Forgetting Your Father ...on Father's Day

I admit, I would rather forget my father on Father’s Day.  


He was a seminary student when I was born, a pastor when I was a child, a President of a Christian Ministry when I was in High School, and a Christian University Trustee when I was an undergraduate.

But most of his life, he was living a lie.

Domestic abuse, substance abuse, absentee father, vindictive boss, self-aggrandizer, and master manipulator.  

The Family Court Judge granted us restraining orders against him, which we carried around for some time.  He died a few years ago, separated from his own family, never having seen his grand kids... 

You can see why I would rather forget my father on Father’s Day.  

God is at work and apparently, has a sense of irony -as now I am a Husband, and Father and a Pastor.  Looking back I have learned a few lessons regarding my father’s life.

There is hope - Life change can occur.  It is laborious and taxing, but with God all things are possible.

His trajectory of life does not have to be yours - God's plan for your life is unique and you will not follow the same pattern of anyone else.

Admit there are pockets of good - There are good times to be remembered for sure, but it is far easier to ignore them.  Being forced to remember something positive humanizes the person who caused so much pain.

It is easier to run from, then to embrace the hardship - While running from hardship is a normal response, it tends to isolate ourselves from a greater reality in which we too can hurt others.

Give yourself grace when you personally fail - My failures do not mean that I am replicating my father's life. We all will fail and extra grace is needed to those who have had such poor role models in life.