Forgetting Your Father ...on Father's Day

I admit, I would rather forget my father on Father’s Day.  


He was a seminary student when I was born, a pastor when I was a child, a President of a Christian Ministry when I was in High School, and a Christian University Trustee when I was an undergraduate.

But most of his life, he was living a lie.

Domestic abuse, substance abuse, absentee father, vindictive boss, self-aggrandizer, and master manipulator.  

The Family Court Judge granted us restraining orders against him, which we carried around for some time.  He died a few years ago, separated from his own family, never having seen his grand kids... 

You can see why I would rather forget my father on Father’s Day.  

God is at work and apparently, has a sense of irony -as now I am a Husband, and Father and a Pastor.  Looking back I have learned a few lessons regarding my father’s life.

There is hope - Life change can occur.  It is laborious and taxing, but with God all things are possible.

His trajectory of life does not have to be yours - God's plan for your life is unique and you will not follow the same pattern of anyone else.

Admit there are pockets of good - There are good times to be remembered for sure, but it is far easier to ignore them.  Being forced to remember something positive humanizes the person who caused so much pain.

It is easier to run from, then to embrace the hardship - While running from hardship is a normal response, it tends to isolate ourselves from a greater reality in which we too can hurt others.

Give yourself grace when you personally fail - My failures do not mean that I am replicating my father's life. We all will fail and extra grace is needed to those who have had such poor role models in life.